Ok, I hate this. I hate that we've come to this place now. After loving something so much for so long, looking forward to each time you see it, to get to a point where the magic is gone... You just never want that from your TV show. But here we are, "Castle." I'm told by the TV guide that you're handcuffing our lovelorn duo to a bed this episode and keeping them that way the whole time. And you know what? I don't care. Because I know nothing's going to happen.
A few episodes back, Beckett pretty much confessed as much, saying that she couldn't get close to anybody until she solved her mother's murder. Which pretty much takes all of the wind out of one's sails. The guesswork is gone. The "will they, won't they"? Because, guess what. They aren't even looking into her mother's murder anymore. And we all know damn good and well that the show can't go there until really close to the end. So what started out as a hot and heavy flirtation has become the TV equivalent of jilted, painful blue balls.
I watched five minutes of Castle and Beckett being handcuffed to a bed tonight. Five minutes. Then I muted it and went to listen to music on my ipod. Even when a freaking tiger popped out of the wall in some plot twist I could no longer even remotely follow, I thought to myself, "Meh. Silly rabbit. Tricks are for... well, TV shows in danger of jumping the shark." And I turned up my Rob Zombie and poured myself a glass of tea. Because after so much intensity for three or four seasons, at this point, I want to sit down with the TV show "Castle" and have that pre-break-up conversation you have when you really want to make a last ditch effort to save the relationship, but you kinda think deep down it's just not going to work out.
"Listen," I'd say, "I wasn't sure this was gonna work from the get go. I felt like it was just one of those... physical attraction things. You had the pretty people: Nathan Fillion, who had me back when he was a space cowboy spewing witticisms and shooting bad guys, and Stana Katic, who makes me hate myself a little bit while, at the same time, kinda wanting to brush her hair and feed her grapes. And Hell, I'll even admit it was a little bold to start ladelling on the sexual tension from the get-go. Because the thicker you pour it on, the faster it feels like it's gotta to lead somewhere, and everybody knows as soon as they boink, the show's over. But after a while, you had to know I was going to get reeeaaaaal tired of the games. The coy looks. The flirting. The come-hither stares across dead bodies. Those profound moments when you know one of them just realized they are really digging on the other. Then suddenly she's mad at him because he tried to get her to investigate her mother's murder. Or she's dating the rebound guy from Battlestar Galactica and he's vacationing with an ex-wife. We all knew that if the relationship didn't progress, and the writers kept stonewalling, I was gonna start thinking it was a 'just friends' thing and give up. Cause let's face it, I get the 'just friends' thing enough when I'm looking for a little flirty-flirty in real life, thank you very much. I don't need that crap on my TV."
At this point, I can see the show starting to protest. Castle looks charmingly befuddled. Beckett has a smooth comeback all prepared as she tosses her perfect hair over her shoulder. But I'd hold up a hand and say, "No, let me finish. It's not that I don't care. I do. And you know, maybe someday, when I see your faces looking at me from the cover of the Season Eight dvd, I'll get nostalgic and pick it up. But for now, I'm gonna have to take some time and think things through. Because I don't want to go through the motions and try to feel invested when I'm just not feeling it anymore."
And that will be that. My dvr will be a little lighter. I'll have more time to go out and hang out with my friends, and I'll try to throw myself into other diversions to keep from mourning the loss. But it will always break my heart a little that "Castle" let me down.
I'm trying not to give up on it. Nathan Fillion's so damn charming I can't stand it. I can never decide if I want to pat him on the head and give him a hug or marry him and bear him many fine sons. And I have always been a sucker for a witty crime show which could combine gravity and levity with enough balance such that I literally laugh and cry in the same episode. But it's been a while since I've done either. And when I do nowadays, I'm just faking it.
So now my eyes are starting to wander, and I might be looking for something new to love on Mondays, say around 10 p.m... If you know any TV show that's interested...
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